Happiness Within

After having the worst year of my life in my second year of University, I have concluded that being a 20 year old is hard. Really hard. It seems strange that just last month I would have called myself ‘weak’ for saying so, when looking back, I was pretty damn strong to deal with everything that had been thrown at me.

Without going into specifics, last year was a year of mourning for me; a year of complete and utter stress; a year of drifting away from good friends and crying over those who didn’t like me. It reached a point where every negative emotion I felt over the past year burst out of me like some sort of explosion, wrecking everything in its path. I didn’t know what to do; I simply locked myself away and isolated myself from my friends. It was then that I decided something needed to be done. This decisive action has since helped me get myself out of the house and has had a positive impact on my life.

Below is a list of steps which I took to turn my life around, which has consequently increased my confidence. This change of lifestyle has most definitely made me feel happier in myself, as I now focus on my own well-being rather than worrying about what others think of me all the time. Remember: you cannot please everybody, and it doesn’t make you a bad person for finally trying to put you first. Do what pleases you, as no matter what you do, you are always going to face criticism. You are important, and this should never be forgotten.

1.      Realise that change is ok

Losing loved ones hurts. I remember laying on my bed after being told that my beloved dog Tilly had passed away, my best friend for 11 years, and focusing my attention on one spot of the ceiling trying to rid myself of the complete and utter numbness I felt. For that one moment in time, it seemed as a part of me had been ripped out and life was playing a cruel joke on me. Time came to an abrupt stop and just wouldn’t move forward. I believed that life would never ever be the same again. But after a while, I learnt how to deal with the pain. Life did go on. I still cry every now and again despite her being gone for nearly a year now, but I am able to smile when remembering the good times.

I was also lucky that my support group banded together. My Mother, my Step Dad, my Nana, my Sister and my Boyfriend (just to name a few) helped me realise that I have people surrounding me who care. When I felt as though that bond between Tilly and I had been broken, the remaining bonds between those closest to me grew stronger, and they proved to me that time does heal. The same thing happened when I began drifting from my best friends. Although a few of them were hardly in my life anymore, I created new, strong bonds with others, and I am so thankful that I met these wonderful people. I now know that I am not alone.

2.      Start a hobby

I have been acting since the age of 5. I have taken part in Drama competitions, Plays and Musicals. Usually, immersing myself into a character is my escape from the real world. But due to third year stress, I know that this year, I simply do not have the time to memorise lines and attend rehearsals three times a week. Because of this, I have been feeling extremely low, as for the first time in 15 years, I won’t be involved in a play.

That’s when I realised that I needed to do something instead of sitting around the house moping. I tried drawing, but I soon quit because I was horrendous and had the patience of a young child. I tried joining the gym, but I just felt bored half way through my workout. It was then that I thought to myself ‘how can I have fun whilst keeping fit?’ Both Swimming and Yoga came to mind. Swimming keeps me fit, which ultimately has been making me feel better about myself, whilst Yoga has kept my negative thoughts at bay due to the deep breathing and meditation involved. Both have been brilliant at clearing an overactive mind.

I would definitely recommend joining something which makes you feel good about yourself. This will differ from person to person. One person may find solace in art, whilst another may find solace in a sport. The most important thing to note is that it is fine to try something and be bad at it; you will improve, or you can find something else that you are good at. Everybody is good at something, and we need to celebrate these differences.

3.      Carry a confidence notebook around with you for whenever you are feeling low

Improving my self-esteem has been a vital part of my recovery. I bought myself a nice little notebook (someone told me I was worth it – and heck, I am!) and the same person told me to write down 5 things that I like about myself. Every time I feel low, I look at those things, and it makes me feel as though I am not worthless. Now, I have even started to add to it. Unfortunately, we live in a society in which we are told that we can always do better: if we study more, we will get into that better University. If we work harder, we will get that better job. If we improve our appearances with make-up for women/steroids for men, we will find that more desirable spouse. But at some point, we have to look at ourselves and think ‘is this making me happy?’ If it isn’t, you need to stop and realise that to be happy, you need to find happiness within yourself, and to do this, you need to be comfortable in your own skin. You have to appreciate your strengths despite society condemning you for it, as some of the qualities that you possess are sometimes qualities that other people wish they had. Everybody is unique and special in their own way.

I really do hope that I have helped at least one of you by sharing this blog post on social media, and thank you for reading.

Sending all my love,

Beth xxx